What happens when.....

When the sun goes down and everyone gets in their beds.....
sleep becomes an invited comfort for a person's long day
Not for me, as it gets dark.... I stay by the warm glow of my laptop
Never doing the same thing after the night before
Sometimes clickin around myspace, facebook, or myyearbook
But always listening to muzik.... bringing myself into a meditated state
As I slowly slip into deep thought I give in and let my mind and heart take control
I never know where It is goin, but I let go

Some nights I think back at other nights, wonder what was going on in my life at that time
The difference in thoughts and emotions from one night to another are always changing
My heart belonging to, what seems like, a new girl each week or so
But as of recent my heart seems to be completely set on one girl

There was a time not so long ago that our communication was crippled.....
and each night dragged on longer than the next
Wondering, waiting, patiently hoping for that one phone call that will bring my heart to rest
Killing my constant worry and concern
Allowing myself to actually fall asleep comfortably
Hearing her voice, reading her words, seeing her face brings a warmth like no other

Is this the end of my pain?
Will she be the girl to make and keep me happy?
Have I found a girl I can fall in love w/?

Yes, when the simple thing of just hearing her name brings me undying joy.... it will always be a yes for anything, although I don't want to rush a romance, I am hoping this works out

What happens when I stay up all night?
I think
I reminisce
I picture us finally together
I feel at one w/ my life
I accept
I divulge my emotions through a constructive outlet
I live

Iwrestledabearonce

From feeling like there is little hope to finding someone who will make me as happy as she once did to feeling happier than I have ever had w/ in just weeks. What started as a phone call to help a friend in time of comfort soon...actually immediately turned into an immediate connection between two people who would have a stronger connection than ever anticipated. I called her cuz she wasn't doing to well, she was goin thru things w/ someone, I felt the need to help...be a friend. Well as tht phone call began, just hearing her voice made me feel something I haven't felt in a long while. It wasn't till 30-45 minutes into the phone call that we got to what we set to talk about....her guy situation, but at that point she wasn't even thinking about it.....and all I could think about was her. We talked every night for hours fromt that night on. We weren't aniticipating our emotions to grow like they did, let alone how fast they did. She lives in Colorado....me in California. So we thought, well we can be good friends, but no more, the distance wouldn't work out all to well. Until she remembered her plans (before we began tlking to eachother) that she was moving to california in April. Bringing hope to what potential we had. For the first time in a long time I had a conversation with someone till the sunrise the next day. Best part of that, not one moment of awkward silence or boredom! Laughs and giggle the entire time. We made eachother so happy it literally hurt, mid laugh we'd say to the other "ouch, my cheecks hurt from smiling so much!" And it was true, fucking hurt! But it was a good pain. We kept talking on, day after day realizing just how much her and I had in common. Every phone call we were in awe w/ how much we learn about the other person! There is not one thing I dont love in this girl. As things went on, it was made apparent that we have definitely developed some intense feelings for eachother, and we couldn't hide it from one another. I couldn't hold it back, I had to tell her one night "Yeli...I really really like you, and I've really fallen for you!" and she giggle, sounding cuter than ever, and returning the words explaining that she feels the same way. But me being dependant on attention from girls I still looked for a girl to keep me tied up till april, plainly put I went thru a few girls learning that all that happens w/ me is I get hurt from girls who lie, decieve, act fake, use me, and lead me on. And after every girl has tossed me aside...she is always there to pick me, bring that warm feeling in my heart and smile to my face. It was just recently that I realized I have to stop looking for a girl, cuz I have had her the whole time! So as the days passed we began to fall harder and harder for eachother, until the words just had to be said..... i said it.. "Jessica, I love you!" and again, she got all giggly and returned the favor, "Christian, I love you too". Ever since those words we've acted like bf/gf....but no title. Till I began to hint at it, and then we just said...ok we can't keep at this, we are together now! And it was set! Now only time will tell where this all goes! I love my Yelibear!

Emotions Run deep, but do thoughts run deeper!

As time has passed and girls have come and gone through out my life I learn so much from each expierience! I will always say that NO relationship or expierience with another person is a complete waste of time if you can leave it learning SOMETHING from it. I've been lied to, led on, left for another guy, decieved, and completely fooled. But I do NOT regret anything I've ever said nor done. All my mistakes and heartaches are who I am. Along w/ all the fun and joy I live w/ my pain and "suffering" really shows who I am, it shows what I am capable of getting through. A person is only as strong as thier worst time that they have gotten past. I have come to realize that I have to STOP putting my heart out there so much and so fast. I can't be the only person doing the "chasing", bcuz thats what leads to me getting hurt when the girl says NO. I lead myself into a trap. Well, I'm learning... that is what life is, one giant learning expierience! I have no hard feelings for anyone who has hurt me, and I dont think I can. I will always see the good in a person, even @ thier worst points. There is ALWASY good in a person, even if they dont think there is. I'll live, love and let others have thier oppurtunity to live and love as well, cuz EVERYONE deserves their chance at happiness! No matter who they are or what they've done!